Transfer Window jargon – know your lingo.

We’ve all seen the Newspaper headlines. A new rumour is reported with every passing moment. It’s a period of time many managers refer to as “silly season”, but what do all the regurgitated phrases actually mean? Let’s take a look at some of the more common catchphrases used: –

 

 

• “Monitoring the situation” as in “Shane Long is understood to be surplus to requirements at The KC Stadium. Stoke City are thought to be monitoring the situation.” – I haven’t a clue what this one means in all honesty. I assume Managers identify their targets and then set up spy-cams and place bugs on the player and his agent. Do they then sit idly around with their feet up, arsing about generally doing nothing, and “monitor the situation” whilst other clubs move in and sign them up? That certainly seems the case at The Britannia Stadium at times. Chief Exec Tony Scholes “We’re disappointed to have missed out on another 18 targets. We pulled out all the stops and monitored the hell out of many situations, but ultimately the apples didn’t drop for us”.

 

•  “Keeping tabs on” as in “Emile Heskey has handed in a transfer request at The Dog & Duck. Sam Allardyce is keeping tabs on the ex-England International as he continues his search for a more useless centre forward than Carlton Cole and Andy Carroll.” – Not really sure on this one either. Do Clubs really go around sticking labels on the players they want? I imagine the only tabs Sam Allardyce keeps are those at his local Kebab Shop. Rumours are his latest bill is up to £87.52 now……….or two Andy Carroll’s……..

 

• “Gazumped at the 11^th hour” – This is the one that can hurt Managers and fans the most. “Sam Allardyce was hoping to tie up a deal for Lacina Traore but appears to have been gazumped at the 11^th hour as Roberto Martinez now looks set to land the Ivory Coast international”. They say every dog has its day and this is definitely the case for the word ’gazumped’. Consigned to the scrap heap all year round, in all industries and walks of life, save for the two transfer windows of each football Season. Similar to Slade and Merry Christmas Everybody; you go months without hearing the bloody thing then all of a sudden it smacks you in the face like you’re a woman caught up in a pub brawl with Jack Wilshire.

 

• “Sky Sports News understands” – I think this one simply translates as “we make this shit up as we go along”. When you’re reporting news all day and night, each and every single day, you’re bound to run out of crap to peddle at some point. “Sky Sports News understands Roberto Soldado is on the verge of a £26m move to Tottenham Hotspurs”…..Where do they get this shit from?

 

• “Preparing to swoop” as in “David Moyes is preparing to swoop for Tony Hibbert as he looks to recruit another of his ex-players following the roaring  success of Marouane Fellaini”. – This is a strange one. As a club, you spend weeks, maybe even months, identifying the players you want to bring in. You do the scouting, research and all the other groundwork required before finally drawing up the final A-List targets. You’ve worked out what you’re prepared to pay as a transfer fee and what the budget allows for wages, so what do you do next? Make contact with the players club and make an offer? Not according to some media outlets. The next stage is to “prepare to swoop”. I’m not sure what this entails but similar to “monitoring the situation”, it probably involves arsing around and allowing another team to come in and beat you to the punch.

 

There are even times when journalists will throw all these nonsensical terms into the mixer in one single report: –

 

“Sky Sports News Understands that out of favour Spanish international Juan Mata is seeking a move away from Stamford Bridge during the January transfer window. Manuel Pellegrini is said to be monitoring the situation but Brendan Rodgers is keeping tabs on developments too. Arsene Wenger, a long-term admirer of the midfield playmaker, is also keen and is preparing to swoop with a £30m offer, but they could all be gazumped at the 11^th hour with reported interest late in the day from Tim Sherwood……..”

 

It’s all a load of garbage. Reused and recycled page filler by lazy journalists eager to feed us the latest arse gravy. If we’re being honest though, it’s 4 weeks of great entertainment for all footy fans, climaxing in the Pièce de résistance of it all……Transfer Deadline Day, and the star of the whole circus, the imperious Jim White.

 

 

It just wouldn’t be a transfer window without the over-excited presenter working himself up as the clock ticks towards midnight. In fact, it normally continues into overtime as clubs rush to get paperwork faxed over and players registered in time. We couldn’t possibly sleep without Jim excitingly announcing he has some breaking news for us all, his head on the verge of explosion……”News just in everyone, we are hearing that David Moyes has got his man. The deal for Viktor Anichebe is confirmed and he is now a Manchester United player…..the fee is reported to be in the region of £17.5million……..”

 

It’s utter gibberish but we all love it. January is quickly drawing to a close ‘Soccer’ fans. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.